Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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