she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
