please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
