The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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