So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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