my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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