thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
