My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
