Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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