Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
