Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
