I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
