Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
