..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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