Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
