We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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