I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
