You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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