I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
