"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
