New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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