To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
