I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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