I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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