If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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