why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
