ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just high enough for therapy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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