I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
