i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
