This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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