Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We need to get me chipped asap
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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