drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he laminated a picture of his dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
