I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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