I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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