so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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