Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
