He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
