It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
