HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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