I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
