Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
