I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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