This girl is more easily done than said...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
