I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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