she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
