um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
