My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
