We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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