He uses pillows to masturbate.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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