remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
