Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
