she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just googled if crying burns calories
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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